I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
