Sry I called you an 8
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I believe in your delicious
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
