I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
