Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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