tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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