just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
