Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
