addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
