Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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