How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
