My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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