i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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