woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
