I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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