this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
