he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize