she was so not down for the gang bang
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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