i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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