I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
