i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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