I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How does one acquire holy water?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
