The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
