dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
