Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
