Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
