I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
