i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
