My cat gives me a boner
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
