it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My balls are so social today.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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