Hippo gnu deer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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