I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this boner is exhausting
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
