dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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