I feel great
I just peed on a car
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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