I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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