Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
