i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
