i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
