You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
