she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
