I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
