i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
