how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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