Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
