last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
