Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
