Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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