that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the condom got lost in my hair
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
