doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
