Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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