Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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