I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
