so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
