Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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